CLEM: the adventures of Clem:
by Angelus687
Summary: Follows the life of Clem as he has to leave Sunnydale to find a new place he can call home
1. Chapter 1

CLEM: THE ADVENTURES OF CLEM

Follows Clem's life after Sunnydale is destroyed

_Author's note: this is just what I thought Clem, the living legend, would be like__, also this Clem before the whole comic thing with Harmony on the MTV show "Harmony bites"_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned or used in this story, they belong to __the legend Joss Whedon. I am writing this purely for fun!_

Looking for reviews as this my first story, so hope you all enjoy children!

{~::~}

Chapter 1

Clem was not like most demons, he was not "evil", he did not crave the end of humanity; he was especially ticked off when he had to leave Sunnydale, a crypt with cable and a local demon bar where he could gamble for Kittens, all because of some evil thing that was planning to raise the hell mouth. While usually he had faith in the local Slayer and co, he did not quite fancy being there to see the show.

The most evil thing he had ever done was cheat at poker by hiding cards in skin flaps to earn himself an extra Kitten, and he still confessed after. Yep, Clem the friendly demon. So as he hid in the first Motel room he could break into out of Sunnydale, in fact he should probably put that on the whole "evil list", he wondered if he would ever be able to return to his home, MTV and of course his Kittens, although some times they don't quite agree with one of his three stomach's.

Thinking about this he began to feel depressed. A man walked past Clem's knocked down door, before literally doing a double take. It took Clem a moment to notice the stunned man. He merely looked round and raised his beer (also stolen from the mini fridge to go on the "evil list") and said "hey."

The man continued to stare, to the point where Clem began to think it was rude, until he inevitably fainted. Clem put his beer down and walked over to the man. "Why do they always start with the fainting?" he muttered to himself before checking the man for any visible injuries, locating his room key and returning him to said room.

Clem began to feel sad for himself totally unaccepted by everyone; he was not evil enough for demons yet he was a thing of disgust to humans. He wondered to himself if he could get some kind of cosmetic surgery, but he soon dismissed the idea on the thought due to the cost. So he was stuck this way forever. Not too bad, at least he's not a Chaos Demon!

After returning the unconscious man to his room, he began to feel that he was not welcome at the "Sun Shine Motel!", not that he had technically been a resident there anyway. So he got in his VW Beetle thinking where to go next.

{~::~}

It was 3 am so Clem was not concerned about the speed limits. As he drove at 80 mph he decided, or the alcohol decided, to stick his head out of the window and let his "skin condition" flap freely in the wind. He did not know where he was going, just that it needed to be away from the Hellmouth, in an ironic way.

He wondered if that nice woman he met at Anyanka's wedding would take him in, what was her name? Not that he would be welcome on the grounds of the giant fight between the humans and the demons at the wedding. Well they thought we were in the circus!

He needed somewhere homely. Most demons don't really give off that kind of atmosphere, with the whole evil thing. His kind where supposed to live it rough but those ways got lost round about the same time TV started. As he sped down the dark empty road, he nearly passed the giant cemetery, hey it may not be the "Sun Shine Motel!" but he can stay there for at least tonight.

He parked up the beetle, grabbed his case, long brown overcoat and matching hat; and made way to the most 'homely' looking crypt he could find. Failing that he settled for the first one he could find. He knocked on the door whilst opening it slowly, wary for any unwanted blood thirsty annoyances. "Hello, any one home? Don't mind me just a friendly demon looking for somewhere to rest his head", after a quick scan he guessed no one was here, living or dead. So Clem tried to find the least moist spot to spend the night.

{~::~}

Michelle was an average student, with a loving family and a good amount of friends. Life was good. Then why was she downing another drink to impress the two older boys, she and her friend had some how met. 'Yep Life was good' she thought in an unsure way. Bobby (the boy she was assigned) had a car. _Wow impressive._ So obviously they where obliged to drive around in boring places no sober person would want to go to. They started off in a field, then a park and now they were on their way to a cemetery. She was trying to make it obvious to them they weren't getting any. Annoyingly Bobby noticed.

"You ok" he said in a way that it was obvious that he didn't care.

" Yeah its just …" She paused wondering whether or not to tell him what she was thinking; I'm bored, cold and the smell of beer in your breath makes me want to gag not get closer! Like any sane person she lied. "…I'm just scared, you know dark cemetery and stuff…" She had just set him up.

"ahh its ok, I'm here to protect you." _Great._ She tried to give a reassuring look, hoping that he would stop staring at her. She looked over to her friend who had set her up on this romantic get away. They caught eyes. She hoped that Mellissa was feeling the same way. Mellissa then turned and got a face full of…well face. Yep she was a bit of a slut. As they got closer to the gate, to Michelle's displeasure she saw the gate had been knocked down, which blew away here previous theory that it would be locked. "Guess this place _is_ popular…" she muttered to herself.

As the foursome walked in, Mellissa's new friend… Michelle was not sure of his name she thought he was called 'Brick' suddenly got excited. "Hey Bobby, why don't we show the girls our surprise in there." He pointed to a stone castle thingy. For the life of her Michelle could not remember what they were called. While she thought about that she missed the implications on the word 'surprise'. This obviously meant she had to do some kind of 'involvement'. She had to come up with a plan. She went with the scared angle. "Erm… Bobby I really don't wanna go in there I'm _scared"_ she said as she put on he best puppy dog face.

"Ahh don't worry you wont be scared for much longer." He gripped her arm to bring her in. His grip was tight. Really tight. Much tighter than she could bare. She shouted out "Hey get off me you freak!" his grip loosened as she pulled away. Mellissa and Brick came to see the commotion. Bobby didn't look happy.

"What?" he asked like he had done nothing. "Stop whining and get in there!" Mellissa was suddenly at her side now. Wow she's quick to come back to best friend status. "She said she didn't wanna go in there!" Mellissa grabbed Michelle by the arm

"Come on, lets get out of here" she said to her friend before turning into Brick.

"Move Rick!" – Rick! She suddenly thought, she was only one letter off.

"Now ladies, maybe you don't understand how this is going to work, see me and Bobby here, we didn't drive all this way for nothing." He began to walk forward making them back up. Bobby was now joining his friend. "Yeah like Rick said we want a bit more than this…"

On that Bobby's face morphed into this hideous thing, all lumpy. A monster. She looked at Rick, his face the same. Then she fell.

_Author's Note: Also if there is a Sun Shine Motel. I don't own that either. Hope I got the transformation of vamps correct.__ Will post Chapter 2 later. _


	2. Chapter 2

CLEM: THE ADVENTURES OF CLEM

Follows Clem's life after Sunnydale is destroyed

_Author's note: this is just what I thought Clem, the living legend, would be like, also this Clem before the whole comic thing with Harmony on the MTV show "Harmony bites"_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned or used in this story, they belong to the legend Joss Whedon. I am writing this purely for fun!_

Looking for reviews as this my first story, so hope you all enjoy children!

{~::~}

Chapter 2

Clem was woken abruptly in the night. He heard talking, obviously rude drunk teenagers. Or vampires. Or both. He tried to ignore them, by going back to sleep. He almost did until one of them started screaming. Clem got up to see the commotion. His sight was restricted to a crack in the door. He could make out two girls, and two boys. Although the girls had their back to him, Clem could tell they were scared.

They should be scared for those boys where not boys. They where vampires. Almost as Clem thought this, sure enough, the boys showed their true voices. Clem was prepared. He had packed a stake and cross to keep away the vermin. He just could not remember where he packed it. Clem fumbled round the dark crypt looking for his case. He finally found it, and it took him a what seemed a life time to find said objects.

Then he felt the pointy wooden object at the bottom of the case. Eureka! He pulled out the stake and ran for the door. As he exploded out and knocking the wooden door off its hinge. He realised he had no idea what he was doing. Every one was at a stunned silence with one of the girls already on the floor. Clem confused on where to start, said "roar..?" on that one of the vamps lunged for him, Clem just dodged him, bringing the vamp to the ground Clem took the opportunity to stake the vamp. While it turned to dust the other one lunged forward. Clem wasn't so lucky this time. It slammed him into the empty crypt. The wrestled on the ground, in Clems belongings, and luckily enough Clem found his cross.

He reached forward, grabbed it, and was going to dust him before he paused for a good line to finish him on. Then it came to him " Get your hand of me you god damn dirty ape!" the vamp looked confused by the odd remark but then crumbled to dust.

Thinking back, Clem did not know why he chose such and odd phrase to use seeing as the vampire was not an ape, nor did it have his god damn hand on Clem. Never the less Clem went outside to check on the girls.

He went out the doorway triumphant. The girls looked more scared by him than they did the original threat. He tried to break the ice "So um…They're dead, so you can leave now if you want to?" the girls stayed stunned, still one on the ground. Just staring at him. Clem was getting tiresome. So he decided to show them his true face. Very quickly parts of Clem's face peeled back to show tentacles flying every where. The girls stopped staring and ran. "I save their lives, if they want something to stare at I'll give them something to stare at…" he said to himself. Clem suddenly thought that there may be a bit of real demon in him after all, then he remembered how tired he was and quickly put the door back up for privacy and went back to the crypt for a few hours sleep.

{~::~}

Clem finally awoke at his own time, without annoying damsels in distress bothering him. Then he heard a knock. He arose surprised and waited to hear more. He then concluded he was hearing things in his old age of 267. Then he heard it again. He got up and went to the door. Clem looked down to see one of the girls he saved last night. He was amazed no one comes back after the old tentacle trick. "Hey, you're the girl who was lying on the floor while I saved your ass…What do you want?" that was blunt by Clem, but he had had a rough week, and had little patience. "Hi there, um… I just wanted to thank you, for helping me…" Clem wanted to carry on with the Blunt rudeness, but couldn't help but feel appreciated so he tolerated her. "No problem. I do kind of think a lot ya know?" He lied, but he wanted to milk his 15 minutes of fame. " The names Clement, but my friends just call me Clem, you?"

"oh my name is Michelle." After that there was an awkward silence. Clem thought he would break the spell. " So Michelle, hope you don't mind me asking but what where you doing with two vampires?" Michelle looked confused, but then it clicked "Is that what Bobby and Rick where?" Clem was irritated she hadn't answered the original question. " Yeah your boyfriend Bobby do good and Rick Whatever, the two vamps why where you with them?" She again looked confused and slightly upset. " How was I supposed to know what they where, I didn't even know Vampires were real!" Clem had touched a nerve. " Well now you do and you arguing with a 6 foot demon, so you have been pulled in by the neck…" Clem did not like this dark side of himself that kept on creeping out. "I'm sorry, I've had a rough few days. I had to leave my crypt, my friends, and now all of a sudden I'm saving humans from vampires... I mean this was not how my life was supposed to pan out."

She seemed oddly understanding, and calm in front of Clem. He was grateful. "Where was your old crypt" asked Michelle, though she suspected she knew the answer. "Sunnydale, though it wasn't mine it was actually a friend's of mine." He saw how she wasn't really listening but at the word 'Sunnydale' she seemed less comfortable. "Why do you ask? Its reasonable local you might have been…" Michelle could not believe this, all the rumours about Sunnydale where true, she always thought they where a childhood myth. "No I haven't been. No one goes there. Half of us don't even say Sunn-…" she stopped herself. Clem was confused. At first he was sort of proud that Sunnydale had such a historic name (even if some wouldn't say it), then he felt insulted that because of where he came from she was now scared. "I need to go." Michelle then did a quick turn and tried to leave but Clem managed to stop her. "Why such a rush?" she brushed him aside and continued to try and leave. Clem would not let her. "I saved your life, don't lie to me!" Michelle turned round to face him. "We are a small town here, shadowed by the great scary stories of Sunnydale; our neighbours. If you are leaving there I don't blame you, but you won't contaminate our town, No thank you!"

_Contaminate_ that's how Clem was seen by humans. He was beginning to see himself like that. 'Vermin', a 'contamination'. It felt like he had been stabbed by a thousand Slayers. Michelle continued to walk away. Clem let her. He just sat there looking at the ground as he felt sorry for himself. Slowly he just turned round collected all his things, and left. Driving away he felt different than the last time he sat in his car. He felt deflated. The one human who saw him differently; had fled because of the town he came from. It was racist. As Clem drove down the highway, he saw it was beginning to get dark again. He had only just awoken hours before. Clem had two choices; drive through the night until he gets tried or pull off now and find somewhere for the night. He chose neither; instead he stopped off by a near by demon bar he had once visited during his travels. He parked up the Beatle, and stopped to notice how out of place it looked to all the bikes or more demony cars.

When Clem entered he thought it looked the exact same as the last time he visited. A pool table in the middle of centre, bar just behind it; a darts board on the wall, and the dark booths around the surrounding walls. He went straight to the bar and ordered, a bottle of their finest Jack Daniel's (being a demon he could consume more, but being Clem will still become equally as drunk as a human would). Clem drank half the bottle looked to his right to find a Kailiff Demon who stared in a way that made Clem uncomfortable so he stumbled along to another seat. The alcohol worked fast inside Clem, he started staggering, mumbling and then he blacked out.

{~::~}

Clem awoke with a killer hang over still feeling upset and depressed. Everything hurt. At first he did not recognise where he was. This soon changed when he remembered. "Wow, that hasn't happened for a while" Clem muttered to himself, or at least he thought it was to himself. "CLEM!" the bartender said in jubilation. Clem did not know why he was so happy or how he knew Clem's name. "Hey? Bartender?" Clem asked confused. The Bartender seemed confused as well. "Don't you remember me ? why you've only lived the last 9 days in this bar, gambling and drinking!" 9 DAYS! Clem knew he had been known to black out after drinking a bit but he has made friends, and stayed in this little bar for over a week! Things had got bad.

"Sorry.. but I don't remember much what's your name?" Clem asked apologetically.

The big demon looked offended for a second, before putting on a fake smile. "Tharkoz, but you've been calling me by all sorts of names this week." Well that helps thought Clem. He needed to know what was going on in the outside world. "Hi, well thanks for that, listen I need to know about the safety of my friends, there was a big fight in Sunny-" Tharkoz interrupted him "Yeah Sunnydale…Clem its its been totally destroyed, off the map…" Clem couldn't think of what to ask first. The silence seemed to go on for what seemed an eternity.

Well why isn't the world all destroyed and stuff?"

"Your friends won, don't know the full details news hasn't been travelling too fast recently, in fact most of my regulars have left the local area…" Clem couldn't see what that had to do with it but didn't really want to ask. " Why?" Tharoz saw this as normal news and forgot that Clem has been officially drunk for a week. "Well the other Hellmouth…in Cleveland, that's where everything evil goes down now, hell im even considering moving down there to get the money pumping in again." Cleveland! Maybe this is the place for Clem local Hellmouth so lots of bars, and maybe he could fight some evil. Clem realised that the entire time he had been thinking there had been silence. "Hey Tharoz is my car still outside?" Tharoz thought this was an obvious answer "well yeah… what would have happened it?" Clem didn't ask it because he was concerned he just asked to make chat. "im going to Cleveland."


End file.
